Hi! Other than gender differences (and the fact that my kids are grown), you sound a lot like me. I have created a lot of success for myself so I am happy to share my insights with you to either ponder or discard. :-) I can't give medical advice and would caution you from accepting anything a non-trained person will claim as truth -- if you look at just the topics in this forum you'll see a wide variety of opinions, and even the experts will tell you that of course - there are no easy answers. That will be a theme in my long and drawn-out response to you - a lot of the topics on here usually stem from folks looking for a shortcut -- a way to make things easier. Many have not quite figured out that the change has to come from inside. I believe that I was one of those people. I also believe that if I had not experienced certain emotional challenges in my life I would not have made the changes I had made. From a high-level standpoint: I am a single father of four (two still at home) and I will be 42 at the end of the month, and I'm 6'4". At my worst, around 2000-2001, I weighed well over 400 pounds ( my guess is around 420 - about 191 kg). I was down about 100 pounds through diet and power-walking at the beginning of 2006, when my emotionally and physically ill wife left to take a different path. There's no need for me to document my personal devastation around that choice. :-) I chose to channel my energy into my body, my mind, and my children. I got counseling, got a gym membership, and chose fatherhood over dating. Through diet, cardio/weight training, and carefully increasing intensity levels I made it down to around 230 by the time I started Fast5 earlier this year, and that weight includes about 25 pounds of pure muscle. As I write this I am down to about 208 pounds (94.3 kg). I am still gaining muscle as well. I am also a binge eater, and I still am. Yesterday, for instance, during my eating window I easily took in 4000 calories. I also burned 2100 calories on a treadmill in two hours (morning and late afternoon sessions) and did a full-body weight-training. Today I will do half the cardio and no lifting, but my calorie intake will be under 2000. The way I have found to manage my binge-eating is basically this: 1. Understanding in myself that the biological/emotional factors in binge eating are only two of the factors involved. An important third factor is the power of my own choice. LIke a drug addict trying to kick the habit, or an emotionally challenged person trying to reclaim their sense of self, I cannot 'blame' other factors in my life for my choices. I can only expect that some days will be harder than others, but the choice is still mine to make. Every day. 2. With the knowledge that I am a binge eater I work on a reward system. I am always aware of how many calories -- not only that I'm eating, but that I'm PLANNING on eating, and I pay for them by knowing approximately how many calories I plan to use that day. If I overshoot the number of calories I've allowed myself, I pay for them with cardio immediately the following morning, as soon as I get up. I believe that burning all the extra glycogen immediately the next morning helps return my blood sugar to a proper baseline quickly. 3. Fast 5 allows me to better manage my binges because I'm not taking in calories all day. It's just easier for me, once I adjusted (the first week was tough), to work on a 'zero calorie baseline,' than it is to try and manage cravings on a low-calorie daily diet. 4. Most importantly: I lost my first 100 pounds out of self-loathing, and a desire to make myself more attractive to someone else. Fear was my motivator, and I believe that you will not get to where you want to be if it comes from a place of self-hate. The day I could look at my funny form and laugh at it was the day I started to change my motivation from fear, to a place of self-love. This body is the car that drives my soul around. I don't get to trade it in on a new model. Imperfect as I am, I am thankful for it and I am grateful that I have a better understanding of it -- and an improved relationship with it. My body is not the meaning of my life. It is the physical manifestation of what life means to me -- all life. yes, feeding a two-year old is a problem! Theodore Rubin once said, " The problem is not that we have problems. The problem is expecting otherwise and thinking that having problems is a problem." I use that playfully to point out that we all have unique challenges. Think of them as gifts, for your problems are all like seeds that grow into something great with the right attention. No problems = nothing grows. Notice that you've admitted your secret eating to us, and not your husband? It's safe to do that because it doesn't threaten to expose the problem. but alas - you can't run from it. you wear the proof of its existence, right? to quote myself (ha), fear not the looming shadows cast by small creatures. When you can turn around and face the things that haunt you, you'll see their power diminish their hold on you because you'll see them for what they are. Just like many problems, your issues with food have more power when you pretend they aren't there, or when you spend your time wishing you didn't have them. Embrace them and take them in as part of your understanding of yourself. Then choose your path and remember that perfect behavior is for another life elsewhere. You are the way you were meant to be, and within that you will be a product of what you choose. Put your energy on the solution and not the problem, and see where that takes you. Good luck and enjoy your role as mother -- imagine the wonderful lessons you will teach, just by how you choose to address yourself. It's amazing to me what my children have picked up simply by observing me on my journey. Good things abound. :-) Regards, Phil --- On Sun, 6/7/09, dimplehotspot <fbuk@hotmail.co.uk> wrote:
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