Fast-5 Diet and Lifestyle: [fast5] Re: I lost 50 pounds !

Friday, May 29, 2009

[fast5] Re: I lost 50 pounds !

I suppose I have to disclose (a bit)…

Thank you again people for your notes of congrats. I expected a few questions into my activities that have led to my current weight loss success.

I have a few "rules" I follow…

Rule #1: drink gallons of water until the fire department sends you monthly checks.

Rule #2: drink gallons of water because if you don't, you will hurt your kidneys real bad and I've sat beside people on dialysis machines and it's boring (and gross).

Rule #3: eat whatever the wife puts in front of me (she's nice enough to give me a few options each day). My wife is an awesome cook and I love all the evil stuff. I'm not living until the age of 150 so I'm not depriving myself of anything in the short time I have left on the planet.

Rule #4: drink gallons of water. My wife has two and 3/4 horses here. I watched them and learned lots. I can now swat flies off my shoulder with a dish towel tucked into the back of my pants.

Rule #5: have a good wife (or partner). I've had mine for 18 years as of last Sunday. She is totally awesome (I have to say that because she can shoot the eyes out of a bumble bee with a rifle at 300 yards even after 3 beer or whatever else we're drinking' that night).

Side note #1: I better expand on rule #5 for a sec… my wife and I moved to a 10 acre piece of heaven about 1 hour down 4 lane highways from the city. I was born and raised in the city. My wife lured me out into the country. I'll let you in on a little secret that city folk don't know… (whisper) "nobody parties hardier than freakin' country folk". I moved out here and needed a fence put up around my property. The neighbors showed up, told me to "step aside young feller" and proceed to insert fence posts around my property with a tractor like pushing pencils into a birthday cake. Then we all got real drunk around a campfire. At this point, go back and read the end of Rule #3 again!

Rule #6: If drinking alcohol, remember about dehydration. Drinking alcohol is dehydrating. This is not good for your kidneys (well… neither is booze but these are my rules so blah!). I consider myself a social drinker and my late father was in AA for years and I don't think that even he would consider me to have an alcohol problem in my life but he would tell me how hard booze is on the kidneys (guess where I learned how to babysit a dialysis patient). So… don't overdo it with the alcohol unless the neighbors show up or the usual seasonal hall parties that these country folk also don't tell you about (can y'all say "barn dance"?).

Rule #7: If your wife notices that you seem to be slipping into insanity, which means you're not drinking enough water, have her read Rule #1 out loud. Found this one out the hard way! Your fat stores toxins. When you burn fat, toxins come out and are processed by the kidneys. Without water, the kidneys get mad and send insanity signals to brain. IMPORTANT TO GO READ THE FIRST PART OF RULE #5 NOW!

Side note #2: I can't believe I have all these freakin' rules! This sounds too complicated now. I'm not that smart and I hate complicated things.

Rule #8: I'm just making this one up!

Rule #9: I eat one meal a day (nothing is prohibited). I don't overdo it. I might even have something evil for dessert. Did I mention my wife is an awesome cook, and a new grandmother? (I'm step-grampa) And yes, as I mentioned in my original post, she has an incredible figure (I still can't understand what I did to get blessed with her – we only knew each other less than a month when we eloped – people gave us 6 months).

Rule #10: Pray. It sure helps me!

So there is some disclosure for your inquiring minds.

From up north,

Rob

Ps. Today is not my birthday and I can count to 21 when totally nekkid!

:-p